Monday, February 22, 2010

Hero Worship...

No, The Dog is NOT awaiting My Further Instructions. 
Yes, he is Waiting AND Hoping I WILL lead him to his next piece of bread. Gads.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Tools for looking good...

People often come up to me & say...

Your dog's coat is so like velvet!!! So smooth... so silky... so shiny... 

and so on and so forth. They would be interested to learn that there is has a handy... literally... device for bring out that BRECK Look in My Weimaraner. Here is The Dog's Grooming Tool...
The Dog loves it. He adores the feeling of being massaged by The Grooming Tool's array of flexible rubber nibs stroking his back, his hind-quarters, his neck & stomach too. When The Dog scents his Grooming Tool is in my jacket's pocket and the temptation becomes overwhelming, he will stop dead in his tracks... on any stretch of scuzzy urban sidewalk... stick his nose into my pocket, arch his back to say... I'm ready when you are... and await Grooming NIRVANA!!! 
It was not always so. We tried... The Dog & I... various alternative Grooming Tools but, they all seemed more adapted for a Saint Bernard's big hair or, as torture equipment for the CIA than for a Weimaraner's minimalist coat. The Dog's Grooming Tool is a God-send for Good Looks. And, it shows. My Dog is a handsome fellow, don't you think. Gads.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Counter-tactics...

The Dog and I have had an altercation this morning. Naturally, b-r-e-a-d was The Issue. We are now both maintaining our Respective Post-argument Positions. One has taken to spying on me from his perch high above, while I try to ignore him down below. 
have often thought to succumb to the temptation of testing The Dog's endurance as to how long the animal can stare me down.  But, I have not done so. However, one more capricious BAR-RUFF and I might just try it! Gads.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Bar-ruffing...

I do not take kindly to being barked at by a spoiled & rotten Weimaraner after 9PM. I haven't had time to digest my meal yet. So, I had to communicate the following statement reiterating The Steadfast Rules of the Master/Dog Relationship...
Moses! Please kindly note that all Bar-ruffing must occur between the hours of 9 in the morning to 7 in the evening. It is now 10:30 PM. Thank you for your kind & considerate attention. I know it was a struggle for you to stay patient long enough to hear me out! Ora vai al tuo posto, per favore.
Apparently, The Dog was all bent out of shape over having received ONLY 2 pieces of b-r-e-a-d for a T-r-e-a-t after our last w-a-l-k of the day. I can't imagine who gave him the idea that he was entitled to 3 pieces rather than just 2. Had I miscounted, do you think? Gads.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Canine Bad Weather Report...

When there is bad weather outside... when we are assaulted by Snow & Sleet & Rain & Blowing Siberian Winds... and, when it looks better to stay indoors all Warm & Cozy, I turn to The Dog at The Anointed Hour for a routine Pee & Poop Run and I convey to him the following Bad Weather WARNING...
It's so very inclement outside, Moses!
The Dog gives me a low-registered HAR-RUMPH as His Response and goes back to sleep. Gads.

The Canine Health Report...

Lovely isn't it? It's a rash. The Dog has a rash. A rash on both of his Inner Thais... for cryin' out loud! The Dog licks them ONLY at night and ONLY after 2 in the morning. I don't know why. Perhaps, he is just bored at that hour and thinks... Gosh, I haven't licked My Inner Thais at all today! It sounds terrible... GHLOWLUUCK! GHLOWLUUCK!! GHLOWLUUCK!!!... and so on and so forth. Who needs to hear this verbal muck from a Weimaranere in The Wee Hours of the Night? I am awakened & am immediately impelled to silence the GHLOWLUUCK! Business with a resounding... BASTA!!! Moses. He stops. Maybe he does the licking in his sleep. I wouldn't be at all surprised.  
The Vet & I believe that The Dog is either allergic to being indoors too much. An environment of wool Oriental rugs that might irritate The Dog's delicate Weimaraner skin. And, I might add, The Weather has not been much help since November on getting out more. It's always raining, etc.... or, to his Mineral & Vitamin Enriched Dog Chow. We can't do anything about the Weather... well, except shoot the uniformed military weatherman with his erroneous forecasts on Italian TV... but, we have been experimenting with The Dog's food. Several companies have skin sensitive Dog Chow... dried or canned. The Dog HATES this stuff. And, he still has the tell-tale signs of irritation on his Inner Thais. We will continue Our Search. The Dog is ardently hoping we'll just give him unlimited bread! 
In the meantime, The Dog also has arthritis. Poor thing. It's those steep Travertine stairs he has to go up & down from one bed to the other. Too much stress on his shoulders. I am now administering a massive white pill... as per Our Vet... of shark's cartilage. Yes, shark's cartilage! I am heartened to know that those evil aquatic beasts... known to have eaten wind-surfers of late in certain beach locals in Florida & Australia... can restore Their Global Standing by aiding in My Adored Canine's arthritis. Gads.
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Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Togetherness...

Wherever I am, so too is The Dog...
if I am downstairs working on my blogs & stuff at my 17th Century Piedmontese desk, The Dog comes & sunbathes in the window behind my 17th Century walnut throne...
if I am upstairs doing laundry, The Dog is there with me in a Supervising Capacity...
if I am out on the balcony watering our miserably cold plants, The Dog is right by my side watching that every drop hits a plant...
if, I am taking a nap on my bed, so too is The Dog on his bed next to mine...
he even participates in the Panel Discussions with the builder + crew on the house we are renovating!
So, there ain't a moment that I ain't got A Dog. And, probably, this is how it ought to be. Gads.